Going from a full functioning, independent woman, to an individual with such limitations, it is really hard not to compare myself with others. I see in those other people, a reflection of what I once was. I miss the idea of going to work, contributing to our household. Even, if I never go back to work, I think I will always miss it. It was an opportunity to be self-sufficient. Not that my husband couldn’t take care of our family, but the idea that I was holding my own and had a career that I had worked so hard to get.
I miss the perceived independence that those other people have. They get to go and do what they want, when they want. Me? I am at the liberty of my body and what it will allow. How quickly I will tire? How far is the drive? How many breaks will I need to assure I don’t cause extra pain?
Those are my main two hang ups when it comes to my chronic pain. I think it is normal for someone to start to look at life before pain and then the life one would have when dealing with the pain. I think until one accepts that the pain is going to be present day in and day out, the comparison of the life before and after will take place. I am still working through that acceptance process, some days are better than others. I am working on becoming better rather than bitter. ❤