I am…

I am a person that lives with chronic pain.

I am  person that struggles with life

The ups and downs

The hard right and left turns

The unknown, the what ifs

The unforeseen

Many aches and pains,

Both mentally and physically

For my family and myself

The daily struggles are real

Waking every day hoping it is better than the last

To realizing that the pain is still there

Just as present as it was the day before.

Going to doctors’ appointments

After doctors appointments

At one point being on so much medication

That I have months of my life that are gone

Never to be remembered

Is being drugged up worth it?

I realized that feeling the pain is better that missing out

Missing out on my children growing up

I need to be present in my daily life

However that comes at a cost

More pain, LOTS of pain

Not to mention the withdrawals that I went through to get off the meds

Is it worth it?

For me it was

I am still on some medication

but no longer the opiods

I will take my slower than slow paced life

Where my biggest outing is a trip to Target

Or making dinner for my family,

As that is all my body can handle in a days’ time

I still don’t remember everything,

As pain still takes some of that away from me

But I am remembering more than when I was drugged up.

Most days are spent laying down

While on the computer,

Trying to stay engaged in what is going on in this world

My social life is nonexistent.

Other than through social media, that is my chosen outlet

The little adult, face-to-face interaction that I do get outside of my immediate family

     Is at my children’s sporting events

But that is okay.

I save my energy for my family

So that when they come home

I don’t feel like I have to run off to bed.

I often wonder If the doctors will ever be able to help

Other than throwing a prescription at me.

 I struggle with chronic pain.

A pain that is there every moment of every day

A pain that is there every moment of every night

There are moments that it is better than others

But there are other days and moments that it is worse

I didn’t ask for this

My husband didn’t ask to have a wife that faces pain every day

My kids didn’t ask to grow up with a mom that is always in pain

But this is our life

I am thankful each and every day for my loving husband and kids that stand beside me! ❤

What gets us through?

Love, Courage, and Perseverance20151230_113937

I am a person that lives with chronic pain.

 

TuesdaysAtTen Today’s post was a part of the, “Tuesdays @ 10 ” writing challenge that is hosted by Finding The Grace Within .  Today’s topic was “I am…”. If your interested in what the other participants are writing, please check out her blog, as that is where we are all linking up.  Please feel free to Like, Comment and Share 

                               

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7 thoughts on “I am…

  1. Beautiful! So well written and honest. A snapshot of what it’s like to go through life in pain and how it affects us, those around us, and how our days are focused on what we can and cannot do at that particular moment. Thanks for sharing this. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s a difference between being drugged up and using painkillers every once in awhile, especially when you need it most. And it’s one thing to leave the daily pain from chronic pain untreated, but it’s another to ignore acute pain. Unfortunately, acute pain and chronic pain can be the same thing. And if you ignore the acute pain of today, it becomes part of your chronic pain tomorrow.

    I can look back on 30 years of constant pain and see how my pain levels have grown — sometimes gradually, sometimes not — over these years. I’m not trying to scare you, but when you allow your brain to experience growing levels of pain, it’s not a good thing. It’s really about stabilizing your pain levels, not making them better, which is why we can sometimes end up drugged up.

    I know that many pain patients resort to stoicism instead of drugs, but I’m not sure using one without the other is always a good idea. It’s about balance. But then, it’s also about what works the best for you. Bad thing about chronic pain is that what works today might not work tomorrow, so it just seems logical to me that we don’t discard any treatment options. Perhaps just learn to use all of them… at the same time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your thoughts. I battle the tough days tooth and nail to not go in to the doctor because I hate being treated as if I am a seeker. I agree there is a balance but I’ve been there and the struggles with doctors, just thinking about it almost brings me to tears. Nothing is worse than being in so much pain and bringing yourself to ask for help from a doctor, and then being treated poorly. I often wish that the pain that I have could be seen as then there would less issues. I know it’s a matter of finding the right doctors to help me, but I really don’t have the energy to deal with that situation right now. Thank you again for caring and sharing your thoughts! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I traveled by plane all the way to California to see the top expert in the country on pain management, and was dumped just months later. You can’t trust doctors. (Seriously, doctors suck.)

        Still, sometimes we need them… And then we have to learn to be our own advocates. Standing up for yourself isn’t easy, but it’s easier than putting up with ignorant doctors. Don’t let some dude with a medical degree treat you like crap. The shame that you feel when this happens belongs to them, not you.

        Like

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